The first one was at the Idaho Shakespeare Festival Amphitheatre. It's a beautiful outdoor venue, people take picnic dinners when they go to see a show or you can purchase box dinners, as well as wine and beer, at the restaurant there. May can still be in the tricky weather department, and it was for us that year. Dress rehearsal the day of the event was done in the rain, we had tarps on the risers, but somehow, at 5:00 p.m., the skies parted and it was a lovely, lovely evening. We paid a modest fee for use of the facility (somewhere between 50 cents and a dollar) and made almost $10K that night.
The next year the modest fee was going up (way up!), so we moved the concert to the Bishop Kelly HS gym. Inside, there were no rain worries on the stage, and we took over the food concessions using the BKHS cafeteria, located conveniently next to the gym. Serving mostly desserts, with wine and beer for the adults, and some small foodstuffs, it was still a wonderful evening.
This year, I volunteered to help with the tables, seven premiere tables, best seats in the house type of thing, that we sell to the highest bidders (it is a fundraiser). It has been one of my favorite events since it started (I've been on the committee since the beginning), but I was feeling a bit strapped, so I decided to help on something I knew I wouldn't need to answer for until the day of the event. Until we discovered our chair, (insert long story here) had done nothing with two weeks to go before the event. YIKES! Another Mom and I split the duties and took over. We got everything in line, and then the first email arrived.
Signed by "Candace Bell" from a mystery yahoo.com address, it was an ugly email. Sent to the principal, with a long drawn out story about their concern for the serving of alcohol at a school event where children were going to be, she threatened both to bring the local chapter of MADD down to the school and also to write an editorial for the newspaper regarding our "fundraising tactics". She didn't want to threaten the principal, but felt strongly about this.
Now, unless you get the idea that I am less than a concerned parent where alcohol is involved, let me state a few things. Since the first concert at ISFA, the alcohol situation has been discussed and debated among the parents who were on the planning committee. Each year, every aspect of that concert has been discussed by a group of parents willing to commit a little time to the organization, planning and execution of the show. It was felt that the alcohol, with appropriate measures taken, would not be a deterrent to the show. Besides that fact, many parents felt that parents make these choices on a daily basis with their families. A concert, a sporting event, a dinner out, parents have to reconcile their choices with their family. Every parent I know at the school, and I know most of them, is a responsible adult capable of making good decisions. None of them are coming to a school function looking to get plastered.
Needless to say, I was upset, bordering on livid. Not because of the alcohol. I could care less. I seldom drink in front of my kids, that's my personal choice. However, the fact that someone who hadn't been to any of the advertised Spring Concert meetings thought they could circumvent the planning process, impose their own ideas or agenda on a group of parents who worked hard to have a successful event, and get away with it was too much for me. Let's face facts here. Someone who resorts to deception to get their way (more on that in a minute) isn't worth the time of day in my book. Caution, yes, for the sake of the school, but I don't tend to cower to threats and intimidation, just not in my nature.
Candace Bell. Name did not sound familiar to me, and as HSA President, I'm familiar with all of them. I went down my master list of families. No family with the last name of Bell. No mom with the first name of Candace. Odd. Double checked. Nothing. Weird. I went down to school (almost time for pick up anyways) and found the secretary going through the emergency card box and registration forms (where mother's maiden name is listed). OMG! Did she not have better things to do with her time than figure out mystery people sending threatening emails to school? A talk with those who knew what was going on, and among all of us, we decided to proceed as planned. Six days before the concert and we were still on track with all agreed plans and commitments.
Then the next problem, now 36 hours before the show. The President of BK called the school and was extremely upset about the alcohol. He said he didn't know anything about the alcohol being served and that it wasn't allowed. Never mind that we had (been allowed the previous year) served it before. I don't know the President of BK, but I have heard of him and his reputation as a tough but firm kind of guy. He wasn't someone I wanted to cross paths with, what with my 5th grader three years away from attending his school, but mostly because of the relationship St. Joe's enjoys with BK. On a variety of different levels, from academically to the arts to sports, there is a camaraderie enjoyed by both schools that I would not want to jeopardize. He told the Mom parent on our committee that he ran into, that he understood that with 36 hours before the show, it might not be possible for us to get out of our contract with the restaurant handling the food and alcohol, but in the future... That's where the Mom on the committee stopped him and told him we would cancel the alcohol. For reasons similar to what I wrote above. (See, many parents thinking the same way.)
It was what absolutely had to be done. No question. But I knew, that somewhere on yahoo.com, someone was going to think they had bullied us into surrendering, and that was not the case. Sure enough, a few days after the show, another mystery email appeared. And if you can believe this, while extremely brief, it made me even more upset than the first email.
Paraphrasing here: From the 11 St. Joe's Mom's who make up "Candace Bell", thank you for not serving alcohol at the Spring Concert.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Huh?
Over the last two years, as HSA President, it has been a priority for me to inform parents about decisions we (the HSA) make and how they can help, how it affects them, etc. I am always giving out my email address and phone number, so they can contact me with questions. One of the things I like about our principal is her willingness to meet and discuss just about anything with parents (there are, of course, some things she can not). And now I've been told, that not just one, but 11 parents feel they could not come to me, the principal, the music teacher, or any other staff member to discuss their concerns about the alcohol at the concert, and resorted to threats to try and achieve their goal. I think I'm more upset that there are 11 parents out there who feel their concerns wouldn't be taken seriously by any of the above mentioned people, that they could not confide in someone at the school rather than choose the very ugly yellow route they chose to employ.
I was on fire. I wanted to hang a banner that said "It wasn't you" from the school rooftop. But the moment passed, and I wasn't going to corner every parent at the school. So I did the only thing I could. At out Town Hall meeting, two weeks after the concert, when it was my turn to address the parents, among my comments were the very simple statements, "If you like what the HSA is doing, please let us know. However, if you don't like what the HSA is doing, then we definitely need to hear from you. Meetings for fundraisers happen sometimes months before the actual event. Or better yet, you can stand up, chair a fundraiser, and make it your own. If we don't hear from you, the parents who are running these events will make them their own, and I would never tell a parent who is giving up their time for the benefit of our children's school, how to run their event unless I could offer some thing concrete directly to them."
Did "Candace Bell" hear me that night? In all actuality, probably not. But those that did, came up and congratulated me on my comments. That wasn't what I was looking for. I wanted parents to understand the work involved in chairing or working a fundraiser, and if you aren't going to help, you don't get to change it to suit what you want it to be.
Do I have moments of being chicken? Sure. They mostly involve credit cards and Keith. (Just kidding). But when it comes to my kids, their friends, their schools, their sports, their parties, their anything, I am involved. I will talk to teachers, parents, friends; I will show up early and stay late; I will sweep the floor, do the shopping, read aloud for 30 minutes, drive on the field trip, know their likes and dislikes, risk being called a host of names from idiot to, well, you get the idea, whatever it takes. Chicken and my kids just don't go together. If I have a concern about something, you can bet I start at the bottom level and work my way up until it gets resolved, at the very least I would do that for my kids -- now that doesn't apply to David getting his own work done, I'm not yelling at the teacher about that 32%, she didn't pick a number , David earned it and the repercussions therein. But not stand up for my kids? Not show them that something is going on that I don't like and have them watch me try and resolve the situation? Have them watch me be chicken? So they can learn that from me? I don't think so.
Always wondered why yellow wasn't high on my list of favorite colors.
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