Hindsight

I actually unpacked boxes today!! I unpacked about ten large and small boxes containing food, we had those here at home, and moved into the new pantry. And there is still plenty of room!

I've been planning this kitchen for six years. Dreaming about it for longer than that. Actually working with a hard copy of plans for two and a half years. Now that it's come to pass, I find myself unsure again. Where will I put this? Will that fit there? Is this the best use of this spot? No big deal, right?

I constantly second guess myself, from pantry locations to being a Mom. Is it no wonder I'm making myself crazy? I watch David like a hawk, and when something doesn't go the way it should (by the way, what is that exactly?), I wonder if it's my fault, did the divorce and the subsequent two parent shuffle somehow contribute? (I do that one a lot.) Mackenzie has no fear, always on the go, and when she gets into trouble, a daily occurrence, I worry even more, and then wonder, am I stifling her? And then there's the whole wife thing, Keith is my life. Do I do my best for him, he works so hard for all of us, is there more I could do for my husband?

And that's just the family -- will they eat this for dinner? Should I do laundry today or tomorrow? Do I pay extra on the mortgage or spend on a pair of shoes that will last longer than Payless? Should I volunteer to help with this class project or the school project? Run in the morning or after dinner? Three layers of clothes for the run or only two? Maybe an evergreen in the back corner to replace the hydrangea bush? Faster going down Fairview Ave. or taking the freeway to downtown? Which picture on the wall? What theme for Halloween? Which flight for Thanksgiving?

(Hear it now: cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo, cuckoo)

After the implosion, it gets better. That's when I evaluate my decisions and give myself a grade: choosing Fairview over the freeway, B+. Lasagna for dinner, A- (had I not forgotten the rolls, A+). Good wife, F. Good Mom, F.

Yep, that's usually the way it goes.

To be fair, I think if I thought I was always right, always doing good, I'd miss something basking in my impressiveness. There's always room for improvement, right?

So the baking items in my pantry got moved four times before I was happy with where they were. Canned fruit was good from the get go. Sauces and marinades got moved once, because I had to adjust the height of the shelf above them. And the alcohol? Right where I could get to it!